Thursday, October 31, 2019

Monstrous Mistakes Marketers Make

Market Street used to have a glorious office building, but now it stands abandoned, and so the story goes…

It was a dark and stormy fiscal quarter. The CMO was asked to make drastic changes on a horrifically tight turn-around. While the marketing team marketed as much as they could, beasts took over their office, causing missteps, mayhem, and mistakes. With each error,  a new beast was born! These are the misguided miscreations that ravaged the office:

The Department Divider:

This monster, content on destruction, divided the Market Street sales and marketing teams—causing them to butt heads. They argued while choosing key accounts and couldn’t compromise on campaign goals, thus leaving grotesque gaps in the sales funnel. The horror!


The Optimal Vampire:

This monstrosity rally sucked. The Market Street marketing team’s programs ran short of expectations, and the marketers didn’t analyze what went wrong., reassess A/B test creative, or reallocate spend. Without optimizing, their campaign ran dry. Oh, the humanity! 


The Competitive Clown:

This villain made the marketers pay too much attention to their competitor’s messaging, and it showed up in the work. Instead of focusing on differentiation, they became second-rate, copycat versions of their competition. Egads!


The Proofreading Poltergeist:

This menace killed Market Street’s work faster than any other marketing monster with a single, villainous move: a typo. Instead of reading copy backwards, forwards, and upside-down, the team rushed through the proofing process, and their audience rushed away from them. My eyes!


The Dirty Data Stinker:

This beast created a wasteland of horrors with outdated, incomplete, and duplicative data. The marketers, not normalizing, fixing, and removing data, burned through a lot of dollars. Alas, their hard work ended up in the trash. Jeepers!


This tales does not end well, for now the once glorious building on Market Street is left to decay. Legend has it, these monsters still stalk from office to office, finding new marketers to terrorize. Don’t allow one of these monstrous mistakes step foot into your campaign!

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